The numbers are staggering predictors of what’s to come:
• The first of the Baby Boomers celebrate their 77th birthday in 2023.
• By 2030, the elderly population in the U.S. will double due to the remaining Boomers aging.
• Caregivers often pass away before the person for whom they’re caring due to increase stress physically, mentally
and emotionally.
Family members are stepping up to the plate to help, and in some cases, making monumental sacrifices by moving or by helping their elderly loved ones financially. The stress level can be overwhelming, so here’s a few tips on how to better embrace these times.
1. Learn and educate. Talk to your loved one’s doctors. Make appointments and be there. Keep searching for answers. Google is a friend, as are other caregivers whose elderly loved ones have similar impairments. Share your knowledge with other family members, friends or neighbors who might be helping.
2. Develop empathy. This one is sometimes hard, because as a caregiver, you are going through so many changes yourself. However, understand it’s difficult for your loved one to not be able to do what he or she has always done independently.
3. Be creative in handling resistance. Establishing necessary rules, schedules and taking over finances for a loved one can be challenging when met with resistance and an uncooperative attitude. Choose your battles. No shower today? OK, let’s settle for a sponge bath instead.
4. Get trained. Hands-on caregiving often requires medical training, such as monitoring diabetes and measuring and giving the right amount of insulin at the right times. Learn from a medical professional what you can do and not do, and practice under guidance until the skill(s) are automatic.
5. Carry supplies. Have a list of all medications, allergies, medical conditions, doctors’ names and contact information. Carry medications, a complete change of clothing, hygiene products and appropriate snacks and drinks.
6. Change expectations. A loved one can have a good day, a bad day or can improve with therapy or take a dark downward dive, health-wise, overnight. Cherish the good days, but be prepared to adjust plans during those days that offer more challenges.
7. Head off crises. Keep medical appointments, and seek help when there’s any change in your loved one’s medical, social or financial situation. Build a support group of family, friends, neighbors and faith communities. Learn what community resources are available in your area.
8. Don’t give up. Evaluate what’s working and what’s not. Make changes. Get second opinions. Remember, doctors “practice” and give “opinions.”
9. Find expert help you trust. Build a team of medical professionals. Arrange, if finances allow, for housekeeping, a handyman and lawn services. Don’t try to do everything yourself. If possible, order groceries and other goods online for delivery to the home.
These tips for caregivers’ self-care through this time are most important:
1. There are limits. You can only do so much. Don’t feel guilty, grief stricken or distrust your abilities or instincts. Ask for help when needed.
2. Share the moments. Learn to appreciate the family and life stories your loved one cherishes. Record the stories to share with other family members. Peruse scrapbooks. Don’t regret later that your family history is full of questions that will never have answers after your loved one is gone.
3. Live your life. Take advantage of respite care and vacation, socialize, exercise, have hobbies, attend important family functions, etc. Respite care is available in most care facilities, and churches and communities have activities for senior citizens. Take those moments for yourself.
4. This, too, shall pass. You’ve done your job. Your loved one has passed on knowing they were loved, or they are receiving more advanced care through a nursing home or hospice. Acknowledge proudly that you’ve performed one of the hardest jobs successfully.
Sources:
1. Agronin, Marc E., The Dementia Caregiver. 2016, Rowman & Littlefield, Lanham, Maryland.
2. Owens, Virginia Stem. Caring for Mother. 2007, Westminster John Knox Press, Louisville, Kentucky.
3. Weatherill, Gail. The Caregiver’s Guide to Dementia. 2020, Rockridge Press, Emeryville, California.
Written by Virginia Riddle
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